Three days to go...

...and I´m a nervous wreck. I´m really doing my best to revise and not overdo it. But I have never been this afraid of any testing situation before.
I think it has to do with this being my last chance and because I´m scared of not finding a job if I fail at these exams. Or maybe it´s more like being scared of being labeled as a looser. Yes. I´m scared that people will look down on me or worse yet, turn away from me, if I screw up. Even though I know that for me this exam is not really sooo important, in the face of what other people might think of me, my own opinions don´t seem to matter at all. Even all other plans of mine feel like a fraud. I feel like "I have to pass this exam or else I´m worthless sh.t". It´s like my world´s going to crash if I´m not able to make it.
And I know that that cannot be true. I know I would survive. I know that it would not be easy, but that I´ll get over it eventually. So why am I still so scared?
I grew up surrounded by a large family of people (of course there were some exceptions) who only accepted and respected people for the great things they did, the respectable jobs they held, the kind of family they came from, how well people conformed... Everyone who didn´t have anything to brag about was more or less overlooked. I never seemed to fit in or be good enough in their eyes. Which has been especially tough, because family was preached to be the highest value in my life. So I always felt obliged to at least try to fit in and be accepted. But it was hopeless.
All my life I tried to give my all to becoming someone I am not. And although I have gotten over most of this these last years, I always fall back into this kind of thinking when I am under stress or in a situation where other people have to judge me. Even this blog thing triggered these fears at first.
It´s still really tough for me to stand up to myself, telling me that I have the right to not be like people expect me to be . That I have the right even to have these stupid fears.
Still, I wonder why these fears have not been this strong at all, when I waited for the results of my written exams. I think, it might have something to do with other people´s expectations, too. Before, no one expected me to have passed the written exams. But now, everybody is telling me that noone ever failed at the oral exams. That they won´t let people screw up at these... So what , if this is not true for me? What if I do fail at something that everybody tells me is doable? I´m really not all that well prepared.